The Top 5 Things That Are on My Mind RIGHT THIS SECOND, in no particular order:
1. School starts in two weeks, and this means my kids will be away six hours a day. This also means making school lunches, homework, tired, worn-out kids, and the end of summer. Frankly, I prefer having my kids home, and I definitely prefer the warmer weather. They do love school though, so it’s bittersweet. I’ll miss them, but I also love the fact that we have a pretty regular schedule during the school year (also the opposite of what I love about summer, so wrap your brain around that one).
2. This video, shared with me by a friend. It resonates with me because I’ve often thought about how lonely the world is, especially now, even though we’re all so supposedly connected. I’ve wondered if it was a byproduct of my own adulthood, or maybe it was even a major character flaw of my own… a social ineptitude, if you will.
Sometimes I think I must be the only person in the world that feels this loneliness because the world at large appears to be so busy, so social, so connected and so thoroughly engaged with others. And yet there I am all by myself feeling like a major outcast just barely hanging on the periphery, bewildered by how everyone manages these relationships, and always wondering how on earth people make all of this happen and what little piece of my brain or personality is missing that I find it so completely impossible to be just as engaged or involved or included. And it’s not like I feel pressure to be the same… it’s just… yeah, it’s jealousy and also a little teeny bit (okay, a lot), “Why am I not good enough?”
But then I see pieces like this, and it allows me to imagine that maybe it’s possible I don’t have that inherent character flaw that repels people (well, at least not all of the people), and perhaps it’s all just my perception, which, admittedly, can be skewed.
I’d bet a nickel that maybe some of you have had the same thoughts?
Sigh. Back to square one.
3. On loneliness… Isn’t it just a leetle bit disingenuous of me to get all Eeyore up in this place when talking about loneliness when I’ve got a houseful of children to keep me company, along with a belly full of baby that constantly makes his little presence known these days? Plus, my kids are all pretty amazing, smart and funny, and it’s not just my own specific biological response that makes me feel this way. Lots of people think they’re the bomb-diggity. Ask anyone!
4. Baby… he’s healthy so far, and I’m grateful. I’ve felt pretty good, and this has surprised me. I’ve always said I don’t do pregnancy well, but I think I’ve been unfair with myself and what my body can and is doing amazingly well so far this time around. I have a few hiccups here and there that I have to deal with, but all in all, I don’t wake up hating life like I expected to when we started this adventure. In fact, I’m pretty amazed at how strong I feel, and I really think I owe this body of mine an apology. We typically have a love/hate relationship thing going on, and honestly, I spend most of my time hating. But I need to take a lot of that back. It’s amazing. And while it’s not perfect or what I would hope it would be, it is the only one I’ve got. And while I feel like we’ve failed each other pretty consistently in this life, I think we’ve also done some pretty amazing things together in this life too. This baby being the latest and greatest endeavor.
Just a handful of months left too, and then the dude will be making me feel every single second of my age when he’s keeping me on my toes once he’s on the outside. But even then, I have faith that it’ll get me through that time as well. And as far as all of that, I really, really intend to hang on to those moments because I didn’t have the opportunity to do that the last time around. Words cannot express the regret and pain I feel for what I failed to hang on to… memories that have slipped away in a blur. Life was really, really hard back then, and I’ve lost so many of the moments I wish I had held on to for just a bit longer. I intend to not make the same mistake twice. Really, I want to honor this whole opportunity I’ve been blessed with. A baby! A little person to love and teach and learn from. Nothing can beat the value of perspective!
5. My fat (though shrinking) little dachshund had ACL surgery last Thursday, after somehow dislocating his knee. He’s getting around so incredibly well now after a few worrying days, and I can’t help but love to watch his little three-legged walk, which is now coupled with the exaggerated circular motion his e-collared head makes as he makes attempts at short little trips around the house. He’s certainly not the smartest dog around, but what he lacks in brains, talent, agility, and bravery, he more than makes up for in his unbridled enthusiasm.
What’s on your mind? Feel free to share. 🙂