Yay! Alliteration. Also, BOO me not being able to think of a fourth word that would go. But YAY for creativity. Five points for not being able to spell. Woo me!
This post is brought to you by the letter “J” and also “bullet” formatting, as well as “fatigue”, my “brain cloud” and “The Society of Liberal ‘Quotation’ Society” housed, of course, in the “Redundancy Department of Redundancy”.
*We subscribe to the theory that if the kids eat as much candy as they can the first week after Halloween, it is akin to yanking the band-aid off nice and fast. The only thing I failed to remember/realize/unblock is the pure hell this week is with four children hyped up like little yippy dogs shooting laser beams out of their yippy little mouths every time a leaf rustles the next county over.
*I’m daydreaming about Christmas decorations. This is unnatural and sick. I won’t allow it to happen until the day after Thanksgiving like all the other abnormal people I strive tremendously hard to emulate.
*I’ve been a Craigslist selling fool the last week. We have a ridiculous amount of crap that I’ve been waiting for Jason to go through and get rid of. But if Jason and I weren’t married, and he never had me to love and squeeze and cuddle (and, let’s face it, make BEAUTIFUL BABIES with), he’d fully be featured on an episode of HOARDERS: EXTREME EDITION. But if we don’t get rid of all the crap that we have, I’m going to fully be featured on SNAPPED, that show where women murder their significant others brutally, gleefully, with a sack of old floppy disks from 1996 that he thought he might use, one day, maybe.(Actually, I don’t know if this is true. I’m just hypothesizing what would happen if I were on the show. Hypothetically speaking.)
*Crap on a cracker, I cannot wait for Christmas break because the three kids in the house that are in elementary school (as opposed to the one in preschool) THE MOTHERLODE of homework they get is INSANE! Don’t know this infringes on my “me” time? Heh. I kid. But seriously, the amount of homework is just crazy. And this is coming from someone that totally believes that homework is a necessary evil.
*Jason sold his motorcycle, and in exchange for his sacrifice, he bought a TV (secondhand for a ridiculously cheap price). And this “TV” (believe me, the quotes are necessary) can be viewed from space. We no longer need to go to movies for the big screen. This proves to me that we’ve reached the point in our ten-year marriage that I’ve entirely given up. He’s won. The only thing left for me to do is sit and stare at it while it damages my retinas and gives me a sunburn when we watch tropical-esque shows.
*I pre-ordered Mindy Kaling’s book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? I would have bought it for the title alone because that is me. To a T. In fact, I bet YOU are ALL READING THIS together without me. Right now. Hanging out. Without me.This would totally be true, except I have no friends, save for those that have no choice but to be my friends because they of that blood oath they swore in high school and college.I read the book yesterday, and I thought it was great. There were points that she made that reminded me of most of my friends, and a lot of myself. Yay for the dorky girls!
*I’m working on a painting right now that rivals the size of Jason’s new-to-him TV. I’ve had the canvas for a while, and it’s intimidated me. So I just went and splashed a bunch of paint on it, and now I’m really super excited to get going on it. Also, one day, sometime, I’ll get my Etsy shop up and going, so that I can have my tender feelings eviscerated when it becomes painfully, horribly obvious that no one will ever “get” my art but my kids. (Because they’re awesome.)(What? You mean you DON’T get your self-esteem from your kids and their compliments and putdowns? You don’t live and die by their every pertinent, carefully considered comment they throw your way? “You’re the best PAINTER EVER!” HAPPINESS! “What did you DO TO YOUR HAIR?” CLINICAL DEPRESSION! “You are the best cook in the WORLD!” JUBILATION! “What IS THAT GROSS SMELL?” JUMP OFF THE NEAREST BRIDGE!)
*I was alone in the house waiting for something to download for work, so I had a little dance party wherein I, Jessalee, brought the SexyBack. In my turquoise night shirt. Get your sexy on! Go ahead, be gone with it! The dogs, I must say, were TOTALLY impressed with my moves.
*Before you get all choked up and emotional that this is the end of my post, just remember that I’ll have another one coming your way tomorrow. And again. And again. For the next 26 days. You see these shackles? Baby, I’m your slave!